Memories from Maternity
I have two colleagues I sit near at work who are expecting babies any day now. I’m reminded of those moments that led up to the birth of each of my kids and the time spent in the forth trimester. I feel blessed that it was truly a magical time with both kids.
My kids have very different birth stories, and I remember the fine details of each like it was yesterday. My daughter was hesitant to come earthside, labor even stopped at one point. She finally arrived after about 40 hours. My son was the opposite and I wasn’t even prepared, or at the hospital yet.
In the US, new parents with FMLA benefits get 12 weeks unpaid let’s call it “job protection” — the employer must hold the position until they return. I was fortunate that I was able to take the full 12 weeks and that my employer actually paid for the leave time. While I wish I could have spent more time at home, going back to work was not as bad as I thought it might be.
I will split those magic 12 weeks into two sections: the first 4 week or truly the 4th trimester, and the second 8 weeks was time to experience the world as a mom.
The first 4 weeks
This was time to figure out how to navigate life at home with an infant. The nights and days were a blur. Figuring out how to breast feed. Dealing with overproduction of milk and getting the regulation under control. Changing diapers. Learning to swaddle. Napping when the baby naps and getting all of the help from family and friends. With the first baby, literally everything single thing is new. Chris and I were watching a TV series just before the baby arrived, The Good Wife. After the baby was born and when we were up to veg out and watch a show, we put on earphones because we didn’t want to expose the new born to the language!! Let’s say that we did not go to such lengths to filter anything for my second baby.
In those first 4 weeks, I really minimized how much we went out. Mostly because I was so tired and recovering from childbirth. It was nice to be home and not have too much to worry about.
The second 8 weeks
Once we got into a bit of a routine (although it seemed like every 2 weeks there was some sort of Leap to encounter - see more about leaps here), we started going out more. Do to nightly interruptions, we typically felt best mid day and so we went to lunch. We found all of the best local lunch specials — Indian, Thai, Japanese, Jamaican, Cuban. I was lucky to also have a friend who had a baby 6 months older who often joined for lunch. We also started going to the beach.
I also started working out around the 6 week clearance time period. I wore both of my kids and would go for long walks. Around this time was when I started also feeling somewhat restricted. I could not just come and go as I pleased. While I never experience post-partum, I did feel cabin fever, like my world got a bit smaller. Because I decided to breastfeed, I did have to take good care of my health and nutrition. I could not be careless about drinking water or skipping meals. Our bodies are incredible.
Spending time at home or going out as a new family, I couldn’t have imagined a better maternity leave.
The return…
Because I was returning to work, it meant two things — I had to figure out pumping and bottle feeding and Chris and I had to figure out what we were going to do for childcare. I don’t think it was much of a decision, but we went the route of hiring a full time babysitter. Another complete blessing. We found an amazing FAU student. She was studying early childhood education / elementary education. She truly has a gift for the love of other people’s kids — patient, gentle, compassionate. She immediately became a part of my family. She worked for us about 2.5 years, through the first year after my son was born. She is so amazing and has gone on to finish her degree. Now she teaches a classroom of 2nd grade special needs ESE students. Every Friday when my husband would relieve her for the day, she would send me her hours spent, I always felt really good and happy to pay.
My jobs have all been rather demanding on the family because there was no work from home, even during the pandemic. In manufacturing with a 24/7 production schedule, I was coming and going at odd hours and had to travel quite a bit. Chris on the other hand has a schedule he can make himself and an office at home. He was the one to handle most of the childcare, and still does.
While there are studies that show kids learn leadership from having moms who go to work, or that the European system of having the family at home after the birth of a child for a year helps cement the family, I believe that we can just make the best of the situation we each are in. Taking care of our mental and physical wellbeing first so that the baby gets the best of us.
