claire in first person, pt.1
As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal. -Sharma
The OG 1…2…3…-er
1…2…3… just do the dang thing!
I grew up in Baltimore and attended all girls’ school from pre-first through 12th grade (that’s a lot of uniforms). I am an introvert and take my time to observe the world around me before I break in to be a part of it. I was particularly shy (or really just doing my observation thing) when I was young. This translated into perhaps being quite uneasy about doing things like picking up the phone when making a new friend. So much so that I became really comfortable on my own — topic for another day. My mom would say “Just count to three and dial the phone, just do it.” So I would. And then the phone would ring and I would either get the friend on the other end or not. Either way, the “thing” was never remotely as bad as it was in my head. I actually don’t think I even imagined being rejected or whatever negative outcome would be. I was truly afraid of being vulnerable, putting myself out there for the sake of putting myself out there.
Going to all girls’ schools also meant that I had to invite my dates to school dances and prom. So I usually broke out the 1…2…3… trick. Looking back of course I think how silly, who wouldn’t want to be invited? Who wouldn’t want to make a new friend?
Fast forward a few years and I’m using the technique for more important things like 1…2…3… answer the phone for the job interview. Every time I would just put a smile on my face and go for it. I never failed to grow from practicing putting myself out into the world to say “Hi, I’m here and I’m interested in what you have to offer.” Even if I didn’t get the job or didn’t get a second date, I still learned that it doesn’t have to be scary unless I choose to be scared.
Later on I had forgotten about the mental (or sometimes I would say it aloud) 1…2…3… But it became a part of how I step out of my way. Now that I have kids, I notice we do this all the time. Zip-lining in Cost Rica, my daughter was a little scared, so we counted to three before giving her a gentle push into the jungle. My son loves to swim and dive to the ocean floor, we often count 1…2…3… to slow his breath and ready his mind to experience the sea life.
Professionally I am totally in my comfort zone. I manage a lot of projects and I help others with theirs and I am good at it. For me this is a danger zone. When I’m too comfortable, I am not in the frame of mind for growth. One and a half years ago I took a position in a larger organization and was thrilled to learn about another industry and have the opportunity to meet with lots of interesting people. I have certainly met 100’s of people from every level of the organization. I treat everyone respectfully and provide high level of support (because I never know who might be my next boss or VP). What I haven’t done is found a mentor or someone who can help guide me with career moves. I feel like I’m starting to age out of opportunities (at 40).
So how do I get out of this? One way is to expand my network! Guess what? I picked a woman I met several months back and drafted an email asking to grab coffee because I’d love to hear about her professional experiences. You better believe I had to count 1…2…3… before hitting send. And guess what? An immediate response expressing flattery and “of course, let’s meet for coffee and soon!”
Whatever it takes, counting to 3 or 5, do the dang thing!